Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2014 15:09:55 GMT
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
oOo
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine.'
oOo
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife £775 a week.''
That's very fair, your honor, the husband said.
And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself.'
oOo
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
oOo
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
oOo
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
oOo
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun!
What the heck is a golf gun?'
'I don't know.
But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
oOo
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
oOo
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
oOo
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
oOo
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
oOo
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
cause I still have mine.'
oOo
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife £775 a week.''
That's very fair, your honor, the husband said.
And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself.'
oOo
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
oOo
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
oOo
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
oOo
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun!
What the heck is a golf gun?'
'I don't know.
But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
oOo
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
oOo
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
oOo
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
oOo
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.
