Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2014 12:47:29 GMT
Picked Up By The Fuzz? A little old lady wants to join a biker club. She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join. So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Top 10 Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave at Other Motorcyclists.
10) They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.
9) They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.
8) Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.
7) The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.
6) Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!
5) They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.
4) They're too busy figuring out how to pay for the next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).
3) If we really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.
2) They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.
1) They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.
This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it makes it look nice and shiny.
Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at their house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes.
So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything. So he f*cks her right at the table and nobody says anything.
So he looks over at her mum and kisses her too. Nobody says anything. So he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket.
At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the damn dishes.''
Finally:
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join. So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Top 10 Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave at Other Motorcyclists.
10) They're way too cool to acknowledge any non-Harley riders.
9) They're too busy daydreaming about owning a real motorcycle.
8) Their engine is too weak to handle the added wind resistance of a waving hand.
7) The Rottie (in back of the pickup truck with the tied down Harley) is easily upset by rapid hand movements.
6) Are you kidding? Risk their lives trying to control a Harley with just one hand!
5) They're too busy humming "Born to be Wild" while fantasizing about being Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper.
4) They're too busy figuring out how to pay for the next order of genuine Harley accessories (including the "official" HD calculator needed to add up the cost).
3) If we really have to tell you, you won't understand anyway.
2) They can't see you because their half-shell helmet keeps falling down over their eyes.
1) They think we are actually trying to draw their attention to the parts falling off their bikes, and they are sick and tired of it.
This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it makes it look nice and shiny.
Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at their house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes.
So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything. So he f*cks her right at the table and nobody says anything.
So he looks over at her mum and kisses her too. Nobody says anything. So he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket.
At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the damn dishes.''
Finally:
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
